Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Ban on Eating or Selling Samosa

All food items mentioned in the post are real and resemblance to any food eaten or left is purely intentional.

In today’s breaking news Department of Food Misadministration of Maharashtra (DFMM) has banned samosa. When asked by our reporter DFMM head gave the following justification.

“Jab tak rahega samose mein aloo, tab tak rahega Bihar mein Laloo” [Till there will be potato inside samosa, there will be Laloo in Bihar]. Laloo is long gone, but the samosa survives. It exposes the fake power of samosa, a food promoted bluntly by the pseudo-secular chefs of India. Petpujaram Swami once said 'Defalsification of Indian cuisine history is the first step for our gastronomic renaissance.' It is time to revise our textbooks that glorifies western foods.  In this falsified history, it is made out that samosas have originated in India. If one reads our ancient holy cookbooks, one realizes that the word samosa has never been mentioned even a single time. However the first recorded history of this weird food is found in 10th century text from Middle-East. It was a food that was brought to India by Muslim invaders. The foreign food has been imposed and forcefully pushed down the throat of poor Indians until they began to think that it is their own. Promoting samosa is like promoting the invaders; it is like reminding us of our days of slavery.

The head then went on to add:
Aloo inside samosa was a modification that happened in India. But one must not forget that aloo is a product that has been brought to India by the imperialistic Europeans. Aloo was a Latin American vegetable that was introduced in India by the Portuguese, and samosa as we know it, is a result of that. Samosa is a bad western influence that spoils our tradition.

Petpujaram Swami hailed the move by the DFMM as a brave one. According to him:
Generations of Indians have been brainwashed by the pseudo-secular chiefs making the once foreign food the most popular food in India. This preferential treatment given to a foreign food would mean that in the future generation it will replace all other indigenous foods and a day will come when Indian food like dal-chawal will become a minority. I have come to know from reliable sources that foreign restaurant are funding Bollywood movies to make dirty item songs to purposefully spoil our culture. “Jab tak rahega samoshe mein aalu…Chipki rahegi tujhse ye shalu”. Is this the kind of songs we want our kids to listen? Is this the kind of food we want our future generations to eat?

Jitender, a dal-chawal seller from Haryana believes that Haryana too should ban samosa. According to Jitender, "To my understanding, consumption of fast food contributes to rape. Samosa leads to hormonal imbalance evoking an urge to indulge in such acts". His helper promptly added "You also know the impact of samosa, which is a spicy food, on our body. Hence, our elders also advised to consume light and nutritious food".

Maharashtra ‘High Cuisines’ has however questioned the move. HC has asked DFMM “While Aloo is used in so many cuisines, why only ban samosa?” DFMM has strongly replied that “Samosa ban in just the beginning and soon other recipes like Vada Pav and aloo-dum will also be banned."


 For the time being eating or selling samosa is a non-bailable offence that can attract jail-term of upto 10 years, depending the size of the samosa. 


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This is a work of fiction resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.

You React:

15 comments:

  1. I felt so distressed reading your article, I think I'll go and burn a few buses.

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    1. LOL...I am coming with phulkopir samosa.... :)

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  3. Had to share on FB! First the one by Purba and now this one. You folks rock! Keep it up.

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  4. Be careful. Some zealots may come after you for suggesting a ban on potatoes - main ingredient in vada pav. HaHaHa.

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    1. LOL....they may send me packed plates of Vada Pav....like they did to Shobhaa De....I love those

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  5. They are right - it's invader's food, is responsible for rapes, and look at those lyrics. Damn!

    Hilarious read and welcome back :)

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    1. Hey Saru....Welcome to you too.... :)

      Damn is the right word :)

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  6. I feel really sad reading this...

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    1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    2. Thanks for reading Ananya.... ban and democracy is a sad combination, I am afraid....

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  7. Oh God! Now I know the reason behind why India lost the Semifinals in the World Cup. All because of these samosas. Ban them! Yes :-D

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  8. i really like your blog, thanks for share...
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