One dream, many questions…

I had a dream last night, or was it a dream? Was I struck somewhere between the conscious and the subconscious, or was I awake? Is the reality in which I am awake also a dream? Being in the state of dream, does it makes it less real? How to tell if your subconscious mind has taken over your conscious one, or is it always like that? Is there a free-will? One dream, many questions…

Could not control with all my might

My left hand rose, and then my right.

Then I rose, I felt so light.  

The darkness around me turned to white.

I heard them shout, I heard them scream,

‘The freak is out, let’s kill him.’

I also heard few young and old

Who cried, ‘Comeback and save our soul’.

I have no power to curse or heal,

There are no secrets to reveal,

There is no decision wrong or right,

But you cannot be free if you hold tight.

That’s when I woke up. It was early morning, and it was raining. I raised my hand, yes I was in control, and I went back to sleep. Then when I woke up later and thought about the dream, I wondered.

When I raise my hand, is it a conscious decision out of my free will? If I take a decision consciously, weighing the pros and cons, then the decision will be biased by my thought process. My thought process would depend on the way I was brought up, and to an extent on my genes (that controls the hormones, which in turn controls the way I react). So, if my future depends on the decision I take, which in turns depends on the past that’s fixed, isn’t my future also fixed? Is my feeling of free-will just an illusion created out of the randomness that surrounds me?

Maybe I am wrong. The world isn’t that deterministic after all. If it was then game theory would have predicted all our moves. It cannot, because human beings do not behave rationally. Rational behavior is predictable, but it’s our stupidity that probably gives us our free-will. It’s a quantum world of uncertainties. Maybe the world is random, and so are our decisions. It might not be conscious decisions, but the decision of the subconscious that controls us. They say our subconscious decides for us 300ms before we think we are taking a decision. If our decisions are governed by our subconscious, then again how could we have free-will?

The more I think the more I feel like my decision to think was predetermined. Or maybe it’s just the limitation of my brain that makes me feel so. May be it’s the limitations of the words, that I cannot express. But then what has freewill to do with freedom. Let go of the ‘will’ and you will be free. Let go of life, you will be free. Or else you stay trapped in the circle of birth and death; which isn’t bad either as long as you are having fun.

Born from dust….Conscience aghast

Time await….A decided fate

Love constrain….In lover’s lane

Transforms fast.…From love to lust

A new seed….To love and feed

Then it rust….Return to dust

But then, death might not be the end, but a metamorphosis.